Can you imagine Madonna living in the Midwest? Well, Madonna is from Michigan, and Michigan is in the Midwest. Unfortunately, being born into advantage didn’t work for her. The buzz about her new Confessions world tour went full hum recently after its May 22 opening. Rolling Stone magazine said she’s launching her tour with a “disco crucifixion”. How lovely. There’s nothing like a slam at Christianity, particularly Roman Catholicism, to set your toe to tapping. And how original – again.
Newsday said, “The production was so tightly choreographed, it left little room for spontaneity. Even when Madonna flipped the crowd the bird, it felt scripted, not subversive.” Gee, I don’t imagine anyone had ever thought of that shocker before, either.
It is the mock crucifixion on a mirrored cross, wearing a crown of thorns, that seems to have most people up-in-arms, however there is more to the story than what you see on the surface. One commentator reported, “No stranger to controversy, the 47-year-old singer claimed her latest on-stage antics, including simulating sex and acting like a dominatrix, were to raise awareness for AIDS orphans.”
Purportedly, Madonna told the New York Daily News, “I don't think Jesus would be mad at me and the message I'm trying to send" … "Jesus would not mind” … “Jesus taught that we should love thy neighbor.” Okay, I’m convinced! Madonna is channeling Jesus, and people will pay up to $350 a ticket to see her do it. You can’t charge that much to make a whole quilt in the rural Midwest.
This sort of reminds me of the worst adolescent behavior I see when I’m subbing. A little Johnny will come up behind a little Billy, laughingly cut loose with a very blue expletive, smack Billy on the back of the head while grabbing his book/writing utensil/whatever, and run off, mocking Billy. I say, sharply, “Johnny!”
Johnny looks up at me, with a total look of blank bewilderment, and say, “Wha-at?”
Our eyes meet and lock.
“What? I wasn’t doing anything!”
It’s the Midwest. This is the time of Johnny’s life that we have a little sit-down. We want to clear up any confusion he may have over acceptable public behavior. We don’t want him to grow up and pay $350 for some dumb ticket, for crying out loud.
We also explain the whole concept of artistic license to our young ‘uns. Artistic license, we believe, involves a clear responsibility to respect the intelligence of your audience. If they are going to be shocked at your message, at least make them intellectually work for it. Don’t just wave it in front of them like a smelly sock, saying, “Do you think this sock stinks? Well, you’re right! It does! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!” That just isn’t thought-provoking.
We know some of ‘em will dye their hair funny colors, and pierce places on their face that make them look sort of nauseating to the grown-ups. Mostly, we hope they are just stretching their brains. They want to express themselves without being robots, even when all the subgroups look and act the same. They’ll still probably get a sit-down every now and then, to be sure they know the difference between artistic license and just being flat-out rude.
You’d hope somebody in Madonna’s background would have had a sit-down with her once or twice. Maybe she slipped through the cracks, where the school people were hoping the home people would address their concerns, and the home people were counting on the church people to do it. She wound up one neglected child, eventually becoming one strange adult.
She’s what we’d call “attention-seeking”, don’t you think? For her, having a message is only useful after you get everyone to look at you, when it can be used as a first line of defense.
“Madonna, stop showing off.”
“Wha-at? I’m not! I’m helping AIDS orphans.”
“Madonna, you’re 47-years-old. How many times do we have to go over this?”
Around here, it doesn’t count if you use your brains just to benefit yourself. Besides, 47-year-old brains should work better than 17-year-old brains. Of course, there are those outside the rural Midwest who call her a creative giant, a shrewd and effective business woman. We’d call her a self-possessed, self-aggrandizing, potty mouth with little respect for anyone outside her own sphere. And spunky. We’d call her spunky.
The world would have done just fine without this Madonna. The real pity is that she could have actually helped AIDS orphans. One of her Confessions props reportedly cost $2 million. You’d think the super-evolved, intelligent, and caring Madonna could have figured that out.
Still, if the sit-downs would’ve took, she would’ve been pretty durned interesting. We always want the creative ones to turn out well. Sometimes all they manage to do is get rich.
Copyright © Kari E.O. Burns May 2006
No comments:
Post a Comment